Category: Attitude

Assuming the Familiar

“Doctor Jones. Again, we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away” (Raiders of the Lost Ark pun.)

As I was getting my coffee at a national chain today, I was once again greeted by an employee that does not know me, but feels it is okay to call me “coach, pops, pal, my-man, my-brother”, among other cute names that escape me at the moment. I also noticed he does the same thing with each and every customer, each and every morning. I by no means deserve some kind of preferential treatment, as I am much less important than probably many of the customers that frequent this location. However, he does not know me, my name, or my background.

If we were watching a re-run of Friends, we would assume that everyone is addressing each other in the familiar, or even one step further — with nicknames.

Welcome to true life. In true life, the familiar is just fine if you have been given permission. Permission grants access to the familiar. However, until permission has been granted, the full measure of respect should be shown. If we are speaking to someone we do not know (or know anything about),  we should address them with sir, madam, miss, or ma’am at the very least.

Assuming we know a little about them, we should respect titles until we are instructed differently by the person we are addressing. If they are a doctor, we should address them by including it in our greeting, such as “Doctor Jones. Again, we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away” (Raiders of the Lost Ark pun.) If they are a lawyer, it may be “attorney Jones, so nice to see you.” If they are a representative in Congress for your state, it may be “Congressman Jones, I hope your day is great.” If it is our next door neighbor, perhaps “Mr. Jones, your lawn looks great.” And, it is our Priest or our Pastor, it should be “Father Jones/Pastor Jones, good morning.”

If we are sure to show respect, we may be corrected by Dr. Jones with him telling us, “call me Henry.” BUT, until we are given permission to address him by his first name, we should always call people by their title, sir name, or at the very least the prefix of sir, madam, miss, or ma’am. Assuming the familiar is not polite and lacks social etiquette at the bare minimum.

The Top 3 Things You Must Do to Stay Married (to your spouse or your job)

Let’s face it, getting married is easy. Staying married is not. Whether we are talking about our spouse or our job/career, the principles are the same. SIDE NOTE – There are many spiritual components to a marriage as well, but we will only cover the non-spiritual.

Stop Looking

The first thing we must do in order to stay married to our spouse or our job is to stop looking. Looking is very dangerous. People all over the US spend millions of dollars each and  every day of the week in retail stores across the country. Remember, they are not buying (at first). In fact, they even say the actual phrase; that they are “just looking”. “Looking” leads to buying. Period. If you are on Indeed or CareerBuilder for the next best thing, you are already in danger of “buying”. They say the grass is greener where you water it. I made the fatal mistake a few years back by “looking” myself into a bad career move. Be thankful for what you do have and always give it 100% without looking for something better. In most cases, it is never better.

Remain Loyal

The second thing we must do in order to stay married to our spouse or to our current employer is to remain loyal. You may not be the one “looking”, but that does not mean that someone else isn’t looking at you. If you are good at your job and your head sticks above the crowd in relation to results, be sure that someone will contact you for an opportunity. Learn to not be flattered. Learn that every opportunity looks great until the newness wears off. Your spouse and your employer have likely poured into you and invested much time and effort. The person looking to woo you away has nothing invested. Remember that the next time someone is trying to get your attention.

Give More Than You Expect to Get in Return

Lastly, speaking of being invested; we must give more than we think we can, no matter if it is returned. Stop keeping score and just give. When you are done giving, give some more. You will then find that 25 years have passed and anniversaries have been celebrated. Everyone will look at you and think you had it easy or it was just “meant to be”. Truth being told, it will be because you stopped looking, remained loyal, and gave more than you expected to get in return.

When Discouragement & Disaster Collide

It is bound to happen sooner or later. That is, unless you live in a bubble. There is no such thing as perfection all day, every day. Eventually, the good times pass and disaster strikes in some shape or form. It may come in the form of relationships that have soured. It could come in the form of not getting the promotion, not making the team, or not being included in social situations. It sometimes is related to our health or our finances. Whatever the reason that discouragement comes on so strong, there is a way out; even though we feel it may actually be a disaster.

The first step is to expect it. Just as the daylight comes to end each night and the streak of sunny days is broken by the rain, so shall our smooth sailing be interrupted by a “storm”.

When the discouragement is deep and the disaster grand, the first thing we can do to remedy our situation is to remember that this too shall pass. Good times are not permanent and bad times just the same are only temporary. Even if it feels like a hundred years: it is not.

The next thing is to remember how we felt in the good times. If we can remember how living the “mountaintop” life was fulfilling, then we can have hope to get back there again after climbing our way out of the “valley.” This also gives us strength to get through our current circumstance because we remember just how good it felt to have things going well for us.

Lastly, if we will accept the fact that disappointment and disaster have a way of teaching us, growing us, and making us wiser, then we become open to the bitterness of bad circumstances to be our teacher and ultimately making us greater.

So, the next time discouragement and disaster collide; remember to expect it coming, that it is only temporary, and to learn from the experience.

The Dirty Irish Towns (Make America Clean Again)?

Now that I have your attention; there is nothing further from the truth. After spending a week traveling throughout Ireland, I can’t help myself from continually thinking about a single point. The point is this; there was no trash, or litter, or garbage of any kind — anywhere! Ireland has to be one of the cleanest places on earth. Why? Because the people of Ireland care and take responsibility for their own actions. They do not throw their trash out the window or on the ground assuming “someone else” will take care of it. No, they take responsibility for their own trash and take pride in their land.

Driving on country roads or major highways, you could not spot any litter. Walking the streets of Dublin; same thing — clean. Walking the beach on the Celtic sea, there were plenty of shells and rocks, but no bottles, plastic, fast food bags, etc. Walking through the crowded streets of Galway — spotless.

The point is, when will we as Americans take pride in our country? When will we take ownership of our own trash and actually stoop down to pick up someone else’s forgotten litter? I long for a day where our country is clean and well taken care of — not by the government, the neighbor, the teacher, or someone else — but by each of us the people. Let’s get it together Americans. Make America Clean Again!

When Your Head Sticks Above the Crowd

My colleague was asked by one of his employees, “what do I have to do to get a raise?” This is a very interesting question in general. The mentality that is needed to get ahead at work, in a marriage, in a relationship, financially, spiritually, and more, is — whatever it takes. It is not a simple: do x and y and a raise will follow. It is having a commitment to excellence all day; every day. As it relates to a career, some people seem to need a roadmap, and sometimes they actually want a promotion before they are willing to do more. How can the boss promote someone who has not shown they are capable of operating at the next level? I believe a boss, a manager, partner, share-holder, etc. need to see consistency. Once consistent effort is shown and results are created, it is impossible for someone not to notice and offer you a promotion, or a raise. If you work on commission, your raise will be the additional income you create by doing the right things.

My advice is this; whatever endeavor you are looking to get ahead in, put your head down and work hard. Study your craft, your product, and your competition. Spend time Practicing the things you will need to perform. Desire to grow & learn. And most importantly — don’t stop. A dog is conditioned to performing a trick and then being rewarded. In life, we are not dogs. There is no reward after doing one thing. We must do many things over and over and over again. If there is seemingly no reward; find a way to do it better and do it over and over and over again. Eventually, your head will stick above the crowd and you will be noticed. Just remember it is never a one and done event. It is a life-time commitment to being the best you can be.

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